Il Cibo, Fremantle.
So I went to Il Cibo on Saturday with my girlfriend, I have walked past about a thousand times but never gone in. I had heard that there was some sort of Chilli Festival on in Fremantle so naturally I thought I would go and not see what the fuss was about (I’m not a big chili eater). So in the sweltering heat and humidity I braved the trains full of people, that have apparently forgotten how to not cough in the faces of others, so I could get to Freo and have a coffee and a slice of cake and nothing at all chilli related. When I got to Freo I realised that it was far too hot to get a brownie from The Attic so we decided to try Il Cibo (which I always hilariously call El Cheapo). Il Cibo is very peculiarly set up, as far as I can tell it is split into 3 section which are all divided by brick walls, there’s a savoury section, a sweet section, and a weird knick-knack shop (not sure if it’s the same shop). After perusing their wares we decided to just get a coffee each and a slice of bread and butter pudding.
Now I had gotten my girlfriend into drinking Piccolo Lattes because she would always get a regular Latte and then have to make the choice between drinking it all and feeling sick from all the milk or not drinking it all and feeling bad because I paid for it. So a Piccolo Latte is the perfect coffee for her, not too strong like a Macchiato and not too much milk. So anyway, I asked the lady behind the counter if she could do a Piccolo Latte, she said “yeah” so I said “Cool, can I get a Piccolo Latte and a Short Macchiato. And a slice of bread and butter pudding.”, then she glared at me like I had my thumb up my nose and said “Um, they’re the same thing.“, with all the attitude she could find on such short notice. I half expected her to add “You fucking retard, errrrhhhhh.”. I then proceeded to explain that a Piccolo Latte is a Ristretto with milk whereas a short Macciato is an Espresso with milk, all the while she’s staring at me like I’m an idiot. Note to any baristas out there, if the customer has to explain coffee to you then you are not doing your job.
So after kind-of sorting out that all I wanted was a Latte but smaller we went to find a table. Il Cibo has done that typical hipster coffee shop thing of just finding any random old, rusty stool from the side of the road and putting it next to a log or a door or whatever and expecting people to sit. Now, that’s fine as long as it works, as long as it’s all the right height and you can actually sit on the piece of trash without bruising your arse. After fidgeting in our “chairs” inside we had to move outside, it was unbearable. The chairs outside were no better, they were all old, metal stools of different heights and sizes, I had to swap out a tall one with a wide seat for a short one with a narrow seat because I was hurting my back trying to sit comfortably at the table. Now I’m not joking, I think the chair actually bruised my butt, it had a raised metal rim that was being pressed into me the whole time, it hurt to sit for like a whole day. And I don’t even have a big arse, it was just a shit seat. And I was on it for ages, it took at least 15 minutes before we got our coffee, the place was empty, I could see the girl through the window standing around and it still took 15 minutes. And the shit thing is, it was actually alright, and the bread and butter pudding was okay too. We inhaled our coffee and cake and fucked off out of their like I knew the “barista” wanted us to.
Not going back. Shame. 1/5.